He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
