super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
