yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
