it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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