bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
