So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
