just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
