laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
