Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
