Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
