you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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