My liver just broke up with me...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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