Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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