some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you would pick up someone in the library
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.