Dude i fell asleep inside of her
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.