Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off