Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
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Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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