I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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