whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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