I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
