I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
