hell yes lets make some ravioli
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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