morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
