Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

what if every blade of grass was a penis?

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(770): View more from Georgia

That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...

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(919): View more from North Carolina

are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?

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(410): View more from Maryland

I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera

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(716): View more from New York

Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?

(716): View more from New York

If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love

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(406): View more from Montana

We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!

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(801): View more from Utah

What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'

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(253): View more from Washington

I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.

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