and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
