I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
