Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
