if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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