How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
