I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
