just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
