So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
