Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
