just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
