I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
