Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
