hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
