OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
