idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
