im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
