you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
