Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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