Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
