I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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