What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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