can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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