My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
