and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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