I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
