so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
