I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
