That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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