his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
