Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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