Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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