your parents love me but you hate me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
This baby is an asshole
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
