I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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