Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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