i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The air taste purple.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
