I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize