I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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