cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
