WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
